Crucial Conversations​
Throughout this educational journey I have planned and researched what I can do to help bring innovation to my classroom and perhaps eventually, my district. My innovation plan will involve drastic change. Throughout this process, I will need to have what Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Swizler call crucial conversations.
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Start with the Heart: What is your purpose in the conversation? What do you really want, and what are your motives? This helps you remain focused on your end goal while remaining calm, cool, and collected. When we have conversations that we are passionate about, they can get heated quickly. As the leader of your organizational change, you need to make sure the dialogue is focused and healthy. Ask yourself these 3 questions:
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1. What do I really want for myself?
2. What do I really want for others?
3. What do I really want for the relationship?
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Learn to Look: When you are in a crucial conversation, it is hard to see what is going on at all times, unless you are actively looking, Look and see if the person on the other side of the conversation is feeling unsafe.
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The authors suggest these 5 points:
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Learn to look at content and conditions.
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Look for when things become crucial.
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Learn to watch for safety problems
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Look to see if others are moving toward silence or violence.
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Look for outbreaks if your Style Under Stress.
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Make it Safe: When someone feels safe, they will talk to you about anything. When others go to silence or violence, step out of the conversation, and make it safe. When you have made it safe, come back to the discussion. There are four different parts to making the conversation safe.
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Decide which condition of safety is at risk: mutual respect or mutual purpose?
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Apologize when it is appropriate, when you have violated respect, apologize.
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Contrast: Start with what you didn’t intend or mean and then explain what you did intend or mean
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Create a mutual purpose through the CRIB Method
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Commit to seek mutual purpose
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Recognize the purpose behind the strategy
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Invent a mutual purpose
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Brainstorm new strategies.
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Master your Story: If you are stuck in silence or violence yourself, you need to step back and think about your reaction. When you are in this predicament:
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Retrace your behavior
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Get in touch with your feelings
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Analyze your stories
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Get back to the facts
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Watch for clever stories
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STATE my Path: Once you have stepped back from the conversation and are reentering the conversation, it is essential to STATE your path:
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Share your facts
Tell your story
Ask for others’ paths
Talk tentatively
Encourage testing
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Explore Others’ Paths: As a leader, you need to make sure you are listening to others and making sure their opinions and feelings are heard.
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Ask them what their paths of action are and make sure you are sincere when having this conversation.
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Mirror their views. You need to make sure you are acknowledging their emotions and viewpoints to make them feel safe.
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Paraphrase their story. When you do this, it helps you show that you understand, and it is safe to share their thinking.
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If they are still holding back, prime. Take your best guess at what you think they are thinking or feeling, but make sure you are not telling them how they feel.
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Move to Action: After the dialogue with the team or team member, you need to decide on the next step.
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This can be a command, where the decision is made without involving others
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Consult: Input is gathered, and then the consensus decides.
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Vote: Majority decides the decision
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Consensus: Everyone comes to an agreement and supports the decision.
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When using steps from Crucial Conversations, it will help the end goal. Crucial Conversations will give me the tools to help me be a better leader. I feel more prepared to have crucial conversations that can change the direction of an entire group.
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References:
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Patterson, K. (2012). Crucial conversation tools for talking when stakes are high. New York: McGraw-Hill.